Golden Axe
md_goldenaxe_screencap
I need a pair of blue shorts like that.

"Golden Axe" is an incredibly well known Sega arcade classic. If you haven't heard of it, you should probably confess to your priest, since you'd have to be an Amish person using an Internet cafe. A scroll and brawl game with a fantasy setting, "Golden Axe" has long been a favorite of mine - until recently, it was a favorite in my head, but not actually through regular play. This is probably the way it should have stayed, as upon playing it again I discovered that time hasn't been hugely kind to it.

All right, it's still a bit of harmless fun, but a couple of levels is really enough before the tedium sets in. I can't really explain why, but I find "Streets of Rage" far more fun to come back to than "Golden Axe".. maybe the fantasy setting puts me off - there's been a bit of elf overload the past few years, to say the least. Maybe it's the fact that the MegaDrive conversion seems to be missing something - a certain indefinable something I can't put my finger on, but something nonetheless. Maybe it's because I'm a tosser, and I probably only liked it back in the day because of the swearing matches it'd cause between my friends and I when playing doubles. No, that was Gauntlet.. good times. Ever been kicked out of an arcade for yelling "Don't take that food, you fucking worthless elf cunt!" at someone?

If you determine how to avoid being constantly knocked over and kicked off the rather cool animals you get to ride, and if you work out the best way to maximise the amount of food-and-magic-earning kickings you can perpetrate on the thieves between (and throughout) levels, then you should be proud, and keep on playing "Golden Axe" for all us sinners out there. I'm fucked if I'll play it again any time soon1.

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