Ranger X

"Ranger X" is an odd'un. It's a horizontal shooter, but with a rather unique control method - you have various terrains you have to navigate, but you're controlling both a mecha and a tank thing. I'd regurgitate some bollocks from the manual, but HAW HAW NO MANUAL FOR ME. So you're Zur fighting against the Ko-Dan armada, and it is your sacred quest to blow all manner of shit up in order to impress women and get blowjobs.

In order to get these sweet, sweet blowjobs, you must use a six button pad - the top buttons control movement of what I assume to be Ranger X (the tank thing), and the bottom buttons and control pad do your mecha. Best way to do things is to use the mecha to protect the tank thing and blow up the piddly shit while using the tank to blow up the rather large emplacements of anti-fellatio shielding the enemy has installed in each level. Once you blow all the anti-fellatio shields up, it's time to whip it out for a quick hummer before the next level begins. Complexity ensues when you have to use the mecha to destroy defences before moving the tank forward, or finding a way to convince the women that you'll warn them before making with the protein.

"Ranger X" is fun - you'll take a while to get to grips with the controls, but once you do, you'll find it's an interesting enough experience to keep you playing it a while, and perhaps even coming back to it again (and again). If you get fellatio out of it, so much the better.. just don't tell the US Congress.

SKILL TESTING BONUS: A "Space Moose" strip, "Fellatio Barn".

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