7 Blades

Furious hack and slash action, set in Japan's history. You can play one of two characters, but essentially this is a third-person-run-around-smallish-area-getting-stabby game. It's kind of pretty for an older game, but some of the missions get annoying fast - you have to take care of yourself and the other character, who has the AI of a broken calculator watch. Imagine a Dynasty Warriors turned down to about 3, and given really, really short missions. Also, Konami didn't put in a lot of effort to localise this bad boy - lots of Japanese text still, and all the speech is in Japanese as well, although I suppose that might count as keeping authenticity. Bollocks, more like. This is one of a lot of Planet Video ex-rentals I bought in one go, and the disc is in dire need of a polish (as am I).

Five Minutes With…

Skipped cut scenes (but you still have to sit through a few seconds of each one), smacked up a whole bunch of bitches in front of a tea house, having fun swinging the sword and hitting three guys, etc. Second stage? You get a new weapon, an enormous Cloud-in-FF7-esque sword, which strangely isn't as effective as the first stage weapon. Two minutes into the five, I've had my ass handed to me by hammer wielding blokes with bad haircuts. Four minutes in? I've just found out the hard way that the AI character needs to be protected too. Start the next attempt and I'm immediately burst into flames by .. well, who knows? Probably a projection of my inner rage.

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