Micro Machines

I hate this game so much it hurts. Micro Machines games have always filled me with a silent, brewing rage, but this next generation version just pushed me over the edge. All I remember is waking up in a local park with no pants on, covered in blood, with my copy of this game in one hand and one of the programmers’ severed heads in the other. What kind of a chump loser feeb moron sadist would make a racing game with fixed camera angles this ridiculous? STAB STAB STAB! I bought this because I was desperate for a new game, and this was all they had in the pawn shop I didn’t already own.. I would’ve been better off wiping my ass with that $20. Is it so incredibly difficult for racing games to actually be fun? I remember endless annoyance with earlier racing games where you were the only one who wasn’t allowed to steer on corners – I remember wondering if there were giant invisible electromagnets on every corner while playing things like Pitstop 2 on the Commodore 64. Of course, computer controlled cars are moving all over the road.. Later annoyances include shit like rubber banding where computer controlled cars magically catch up to you at the last minute to add “excitement” to a race. Is there no game out there that’s just fun without having a bunch of stupid crap spoil things for everyone? Well, aside from the original Ridge Racer on PlayStation 1 of course.. that game can do no wrong.

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